Sometimes i wonder how the world is all about show off.Everything in life to show off to someone or the other.You get judged by the degree you have, the job you have and ofcourse the salary you earn.God forbid you don't jump companies to reach that zenith of salary benchmark.You are a non conformist.Its all about tangible things.There is nothing like good heart ,manners, or a good person.Oh hell yeah, i sound bitter.Sometimes, i do vent out my bitterness here..
H reports to me in office, nice guy and hardworker and all.This week i asked him to come late in afternoon to support something in EMEA timezone.And he was late to office.Only message he sent in morning "i am with a patient, won't be able to attend the training" after that he was very late and still not in office.His phone was not reachable and i was concerned for him.Someone checked with his roommate and he also had no clue.It later turned out that he helped a homeless lady by calling ambulance and taking her to an ngo and getting her operated.Apparently she had such a big wound that it was infested with worms. Isn't it a heartwarming story.He even later in evening pinged me to thank me to ask him to work late :).No, this story is not going to be used when he is judged , he will still be a guy who earns so and so in so and so company.Using this story as its fresh in my mind as just happened 2 days ago.
Getting back on venting my bitterness, i long ago stopped disclosing my salary to random people who had random Q's like "Job kaha hai" " designation kya hai" " salary kya hai" .Wah bhai jaan na pehchaan , aur inte questions.Well, thats typical india for you.And boy, if you are female and some moronic male chauvinist gets hold of you.That's it, you end up feeling like worst sort of worm on earth. And trust me you someday somehow meet them, too often for my liking in past.Now, fast forward i am completely changed since few years, its all about self worth and easy life.So,what triggered this venting today, well again i see that like a full circle, we are back to square one.I even contemplated changing countries to get away from this circle of evaluation based on tangibility.Well, strangely in the west its far more prevalent than here!I thought a place with less difference with white or blue collar job will be more peaceful.Nah mate, you are there again being evaluated.Now any country is like India as you find Indians in Timbaktoo also sitting to evaluate you.I wish god had made these indicators when a person does good, he gets some brownie points and then he gets a Halo.I sound too stupid when i say this, why doesn't god have an appraisal system.All this getting evaluated after we die in hell or heaven might even not be true!God should even have a PIP(performance improvement plan), so we actually look forward to dying ;) [I did warn you that it sound's stupid].I am not PKfied , this was my thought process long before
Lets define KPI's for this appraisal system,
- Save one life [No, a person telling i stopped from killing myself gets negative points :D )
- Educate someone [A person telling he educated his 5 children gets negative points, its like telling in office , you helped the chaiwala by taking long office breaks to drink tea]
- Create some laughter [ No, laughing at others and laughing at Kapils jokes is not counted]
- Appreciate someone genuinely [what's in it for me again is not counted]
- Be someone who resolves grudges than keeps them!You only have one life[ No, resolving grudges with wife doesn't count ;) ]
And evaluation(performance metric) is minus of years on earth.
- Minus a year each on earth when you are unethical
- Zero left when you kill someone (Self defense is exempted)
- Minus 0.1 when you ignore such unethical people.
- Minus 0.1 when you make someone cry and lie!
This is all just something randomly i just typed up.Maybe Hirani can make PK-2 on this ?Who knows!Someday ,i might even sue him for original story idea!! Well, i sign off here.I hope someone reads it and define more KPI and performance metric to add more fun to this!
H reports to me in office, nice guy and hardworker and all.This week i asked him to come late in afternoon to support something in EMEA timezone.And he was late to office.Only message he sent in morning "i am with a patient, won't be able to attend the training" after that he was very late and still not in office.His phone was not reachable and i was concerned for him.Someone checked with his roommate and he also had no clue.It later turned out that he helped a homeless lady by calling ambulance and taking her to an ngo and getting her operated.Apparently she had such a big wound that it was infested with worms. Isn't it a heartwarming story.He even later in evening pinged me to thank me to ask him to work late :).No, this story is not going to be used when he is judged , he will still be a guy who earns so and so in so and so company.Using this story as its fresh in my mind as just happened 2 days ago.
Getting back on venting my bitterness, i long ago stopped disclosing my salary to random people who had random Q's like "Job kaha hai" " designation kya hai" " salary kya hai" .Wah bhai jaan na pehchaan , aur inte questions.Well, thats typical india for you.And boy, if you are female and some moronic male chauvinist gets hold of you.That's it, you end up feeling like worst sort of worm on earth. And trust me you someday somehow meet them, too often for my liking in past.Now, fast forward i am completely changed since few years, its all about self worth and easy life.So,what triggered this venting today, well again i see that like a full circle, we are back to square one.I even contemplated changing countries to get away from this circle of evaluation based on tangibility.Well, strangely in the west its far more prevalent than here!I thought a place with less difference with white or blue collar job will be more peaceful.Nah mate, you are there again being evaluated.Now any country is like India as you find Indians in Timbaktoo also sitting to evaluate you.I wish god had made these indicators when a person does good, he gets some brownie points and then he gets a Halo.I sound too stupid when i say this, why doesn't god have an appraisal system.All this getting evaluated after we die in hell or heaven might even not be true!God should even have a PIP(performance improvement plan), so we actually look forward to dying ;) [I did warn you that it sound's stupid].I am not PKfied , this was my thought process long before
Lets define KPI's for this appraisal system,
- Save one life [No, a person telling i stopped from killing myself gets negative points :D )
- Educate someone [A person telling he educated his 5 children gets negative points, its like telling in office , you helped the chaiwala by taking long office breaks to drink tea]
- Create some laughter [ No, laughing at others and laughing at Kapils jokes is not counted]
- Appreciate someone genuinely [what's in it for me again is not counted]
- Be someone who resolves grudges than keeps them!You only have one life[ No, resolving grudges with wife doesn't count ;) ]
And evaluation(performance metric) is minus of years on earth.
- Minus a year each on earth when you are unethical
- Zero left when you kill someone (Self defense is exempted)
- Minus 0.1 when you ignore such unethical people.
- Minus 0.1 when you make someone cry and lie!
This is all just something randomly i just typed up.Maybe Hirani can make PK-2 on this ?Who knows!Someday ,i might even sue him for original story idea!! Well, i sign off here.I hope someone reads it and define more KPI and performance metric to add more fun to this!
This one is really good! It really got me thinking 'what if?what if?' I am a huge fan of your writing and this post is Awesome :) Oh! and here's my contribution to the list :
ReplyDelete- minus 0.2 if you hurt others intentionally
- Zero left if you rape someone
- minus 0.1 if you dupe others