Reflection

  Its exactly 4 month since me and my husband were discharged from Covid hospital. It was nightmare of time. It made me realize the importance of living life. There were countless mortalities in that month, that was really distressful . I wasn't that worse, but my husband was quite worse. But fortunately we survived. It has changed my perspective on so many things that i myself didn't realize it. It was when a good friend and a colleague L asked me about my post covid reflection's , that I paused and really thought back on myself and my husband's behavioral changes. 

  Purging away the noise, kuch to log kahenge , logo ka kaam hai kehna.  I used to get bogged down by this even though you pretend to not believe it.  I truly now don't give a shit about what random people think about me. My friend Y was always the one telling, why do you care what anyone thinks? So thanks to her and Covid, i finally can say i really just don't give a damn. The culture of accumulation, i truly never subscribed to this in past and it reinforced me to live a minimalistic lifestyle now..  I gave away lot of stuff the first month back. I restarted reading books, as i realized nobody can be a better friend than them. 

  The what if syndrome is something we all suffer. My husband too was going through it, post his father's demise. I too was suffering from career and personal what if's . On hindsight, those were so trivial that we never appreciated who we had in our life and what we had. It was such a moment of truth.  I have great job, great family. I now thank god everyday for what i have. Its a drastic change, if everyone appreciates what they have than what they think they should have.

  In the end the only thing that matters is who you helped and how you lived your life. No self help book or lecture, but reality of losing someone we love gets you this realization. I am probably a happier and contented version of myself from the days before covid to now. I reinforced my belief and my love for my country. Despite all the venom internationally, the health care crunch was everywhere, but still the doctors and nurses cared about you than being waitlisted like in other countries.

 Oh well, i restarted my love for various things i did in past. Here and i come BSE/NSE :) . Instead of crying about things i have no control over, i decided to excel in things i can control. I hope this drive in me remains for years to come . I have let go of many many things, people who don't want to talk to you , friends who ghosted you no longer faze me. You truly need to change your perspective about life to live it to fully. 

Life is transient

   A family tragedy has made me re-evaluate my priorities and rethink on what i want from life. My cousin who is younger than me lost her husband suddenly. The transition of person one minute present and gone next is really hard. Even though i am thousand of miles away from her, i am feeling her pain. I hope i can soon meet her and share some of her grief. Her husband Amit was a great guy. We all always found him a happy go lucky guy. He was there for everyone in their moments of joy and grief. He and my cousin Mukta were first to come see me when i fractured my ankle , first to see when i gave birth to Darsh. All i can say is , he is gone too soon. God takes away the good ones early.

A new challenge

  Pandemic times and reflection is something all of us are going through. Sometimes the time and thought we are going through makes us take unusual decisions. I had a cushy job with a great manager and a great team. I was all set to probably becoming a director in few years if i continued contributing and working hard. But i always felt i wasn't being too creative in what i do or just felt i can do something more interesting. I started scouting for a job with no real intent of changing but maybe just to see whats out there. Interestingly got 2 opportunities to work on something totally different. I had my moment of doubt due to pandemic times and fear of change. However, after a holistic review of my liabilities and interest areas i decided to bite the bullet. Being a conformist is what i have been my whole life. Sometimes being a non conformist makes you achieve a lot in life.Excellence only comes when you do something which truly resonates with your soul. In last year i let go of many things like buying a house, moving abroad and now letting go of the cushiness of great job. I was conflicted and did look for answers from friends , online motivators, spirituality, but ultimately you need to do whats best for you. To be or not to be is only we can do by looking within ourselves. We should not out ourselves in ceilings and those limit us. 

I am prepared to learn , unlearn, leave fear and give it my best shot . Hope it works out. My love for Oracle continues, but sometimes we breakup for our own good :) .